Twilight
Is Kristen Stewart the worst actress working in Hollywood today?? After watching her performance in this 2008 adaptation of the cult vampire romance novel, the answer may very well be a resounding YES: Stumbling through the film with the same, stoned-out, dazed expression on her face, reading her lines in a flat monotone that shows massive indifference to their meaning, and complete that with eyes that that show little more than vapid, soulless, dreadful nothingness behind them, her performance sets the tone for what is for the most part a turgidly written, overwrought, pretentious piece of claptrap. One must give Robert Pattinson a bit of credit, for as he gamefully tries to recite the ridiculous dialogue and express a pained, sensitive look, AT LEAST female viewers were able to connect with his Edward Cullen and help make the budding franchise a phenomenon, while in many ways the contempt that most male viewers have for the material comes from the fact that Stewartâs Bella Swan is one of the most shallow, uninteresting females in the history of cinema romance. Indeed, in the cast of mostly unknown performers, there is nary a single likable character in the mix, from Billy Burke as Bellaâs passive, submissive police chief dad (whom Bella seems to like because he âdoesnât hoverâ, but really comes off as a guy who lacks the balls to be a real father to his daughter), to Bellaâs high school friends whom needless to say fill in the usual bland stereotypes (the smart yet effeminate Asian kid, the dork in the varsity jacket who canât get the girl he wants, the one-note bimbo whose breasts are her best and only asset, the sensitive Asian girl who naturally is attracted to the Asian guy), to Edwardâs adopted vampire âfamilyâ which includes his brothers (who share five lines of dialogue between them), the hot blonde who resents being a vampire, and the zany brunette who can see the future, all topped off by Jay Mohr-lookalike Peter Facinelli as the vampire father (and town doctor) who preaches trying to fit in and killing animals instead of humans. Furthermore, if the Cullen kids have been teenagers for over 100 years, WHY would they even bother attending high school ANYWAY, when they obviously have learned all they need to and would be better off laying low and keeping to themselves?? The only exceptions in this motley cast are Taylor Lautner as the Native American child friend of Bellaâs whom it is hinted that he is a werewolf, and Cam Gigandet as the evil vampire (a âhunterâ) who inexplicably goes after Bella and actually manages to bring some tension and action to the film with his big showdown with Edward (obviously a tribute to the Kiefer-Patric fight scene in Lost Boys). The central problems, of course, lie in the writing, with scenes between Edward and Bella expressing their feelings for each other with hackneyed dialogue that seems to go on FOREVER, and drag the film to a snailâs pace, and the goofy way they try to âhumanizeâ the vampires by stating that their favorite pastime is baseball(!), but in the end the backbreaker is Stewartâs Bella, a girl so dead and emotionless as a human being we wonder why the vamps donât just make her one of their own (not a big loss), and whom weâre constantly told is so âspecialâ is because she SMELLS better than anybody else, but unfortunately since the viewers can only go on what they see and hear, it doesnât make much of a difference since we could care less about her fate. Overall, a massive failure as either a horror, romantic, or artistic piece, and a sure sign of our cultureâs downfall if this is what passes for a pop culture phenomenon these daysâŚ
3/10