King Solomonâs Mines
To think that there was actually a time where the very concept of a franchise like Indiana Jones and a movie like Raiders Of The Lost Ark was thought of as being commercially unviable, so much so that Tom Selleck (the first choice of both Lucas and Spielberg) would quickly slam the door shut upon being offered the role of Jones, thus opening the door for the admittedly compromised choice of Harrison Ford in the part. Raiders of course would open to huge box office and a slew of Oscar nominations including Best Picture (unheard of for most action films) and Ford would be solidly entrenched in screen immortality while Selleck would look on aghast, forever haunted by his fateful decision. As the Jones gravy train continued to roll on with Temple Of Doom, it got to a point where nearly EVERY big name actor in the business wanted to be Indy (including Selleck himself who starred in several adventure films of his own with mixed results) but since Indy himself as a character and persona belonged only to Ford, everyone else was forced to settle for playing Indy TYPE characters in Raiders INSPIRED type stories. As most of these projects would crash and burn (Romancing The Stone notwithstanding), there still remained one relatively untouched golden goose character archetype: Allan Quartermain, the legendary literary hero (and acknowledged inspiration for Jones himself) who was the âGreat White African Hunterâ pursuing fortune and glory mostly in the land of Deepest Darkest Africa and for whom the publication of the first novel (King Solomonâs Mines) in 1885 was so successful that it ensured the author (H. Rider Haggard) was set for life financially it being that he had successfully negotiated for 10 percent of all future royalties upon the novelâs release. A number of movies would get made based upon that first novel (most notably in 1950 with Stewart Granger) but when it came time to do an adaptation for the big screen in the post Indy era, the task of producing it would fall upon the shoulders of the infamous Cannon Films led by Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus who were so resolutely confident in the success of the potential franchise that they actually commissioned that not one but TWO films be made back to back, a decision that would backfire when the first filmâs release in 1985 met with a decidedly lukewarm response, thus causing the panic button to be hit and forcing the sequel to go straight to video in many areas of the world or just not be released at all (it did receive a short theatrical run in The U.S.). In the key, critical, all important role of Quartermain himself, they went with Richard Chamberlain, a suave debonair type and long time television favorite (who was also wantonly gay although that wasnât widely known at the time otherwise he probably would have been passed over) who later stated that he felt that he had been conned into accepting the part, convinced that it was a serious adaptation that would be better than Raiders complete with a worthy supporting cast and a prestige director (J. Lee Thompson, best known for the original Cape Fear) only to find himself knowingly stuck strictly in B movie land, working with a low budget and low grade special effects including extensive use of green screen technology that would see him committing various acts of derring do in front of an obviously projected image that would take the viewer right out of the movie completely. What was even worse was in the casting of the female romantic lead opposite Chamberlain in both films: Sharon Stone (in her true physical prime and looking absolutely adorable nearly every second that she is onscreen) would wind up being a very big headache for Chamberlain and nearly everyone else on set, pissing off so many people with her divalike, standoffish behavior that several crew members would actually take the liberty of pissing in the bathtub of her own private trailer even as she targeted most of her own wrath towards Chamberlain (who did at least cultivate a convincing onscreen romance with her). But maybe the biggest problem here lies with the tone of the entire piece as the whole thing almost feels more like a parody of the action adventure âserial cliffhangerâ genre that Indy had started with enough physical slapstick in the first 10 minutes alone to let the viewer know that this should be seen as a straight up comedy first and foremost with Chamberlain shooting off a series of mostly uninspired wisecracks and Stone (as the woman who hires him to help find her missing father) milking every spoiled brat, fish out of water clichĂ© she can come up with until itâs dry as a bone. Much better served are the primary villains of the piece in John Rhys-Davies (directly imported over from the Indy films where he had played trusted friend and confidante Sallah) as a Turkish warlord who has a past history with Quartermain and the legendary Herbert Lom (whom Rhys-Davies was reportedly in awe of and couldnât even believe that they had really gotten him to agree to be in this movie) as the German Nazi Commander using the local Turks to both secure the title treasure AND keep Quartermain at bay from obtaining it himself. Lom and Rhys-Davies share a rather loose comedic chemistry with their constant bickering, more often then not resembling two great actors who obviously KNOW that they are in a bad movie and jovially just trying to make the best of it although most of Lomâs big moments consist of him reminding everybody in every other scene that âthe German army will not stand for thisâ and also his fixation on constantly playing Wagnerâs Ride Of The Valkryies even when heading into battle which annoys Rhys-Davies to no end. But at least their stuff is amusing and itâs easy to tell that the two actors got along pretty well on the set whereas Chamberlain and Stone seem to spend much of their screentime running afoul of one African tribe after another (complete with overtly racist caricatures) with the filmâs one good and effective moment involving them happening when they start romantically kissing and cuddling while being circled by a pack of hungry lions which succeeds in keeping them at bay (WHY does that bit work? I dunno). In the end though, all the goofball aplomb that Chamberlain can muster is little match for Stoneâs nearly endless charisma, keeping the viewerâs eyes on her so much so that Quartermain might as well have been played by a cardboard cutout. As stated, the duo run afoul of a cannibal tribe after initially escaping Lom and Rhys-Davies only to run into another, friendlier tribe who prefer to continuously hang upside down from trees because itâs âtheir wayâ (and also help to handily dispose of some Nazi interlopers) and finally they find their way into the clutches of yet another tribe led by a cantankerous old witch (in a failed attempt to introduce a third major villain into the mix) for whom it turns out that Quartermainâs black manservant is not only their long lost, true Supreme Ruler, but also that he knows everything about the fabled mines themselves including the exact spots of all the hidden booby traps (something he had failed to mention to Quartermain for the majority of the film), but itâs the slapstick (or rather slapdash) elements that are on display here with the whole tone of the film being just so damn goofy that itâs hard to take much of it too seriously and donât even think about being in any kind of awe over anything on display even as it should be noted that the Indy films in their own right are actually pretty spoof proof to begin with given Fordâs generally tongue in cheek demeanor when playing the character only relenting whenever their stories call for some degree of seriousness. But as Lom and Rhys-Davies go flying to their overplayed (and badly done) villain demises and Stone and Chamberlain try to parlay a witty final scene together that doesnât even touch Ford and Capshawâs charming send off in Temple Of Doom (and donât even bring Karen Allenâs Marion into this equation), what we get here results in a pure B movie adventure that can be happily shelved alongside all of the other Raiders knock offs, not memorable at all but not too offensive either despite the garishly outdated African tribe stereotypesâŠ
5/10