Halloween 8: Resurrection
In many ways the “official” end of the line for what constituted the Original Halloween Series and also of course an endeavor on the part of the franchise’s since passed away Executive Producer Mustapha Akkad to keep it all going despite any and all sense of continuity and story sense being retained (Akkad apparently seemed to love the Michael Myers character almost as if he were one of his own sons), this entry wound up being slammed by critics and even devout fans of the series like never before, resulting in the shutting down of any further sequels at that point until Rob Zombie would have a go at his own remake of the original a few years later. Jamie Lee Curtis (forced to return because of a 2 film clause in her contract when she did H20) would later go on record as saying that the film was a complete joke while still others would state that they prefer to act as if the events in this film had never happened. The main bone of contention here was in the ending of the previous movie (that being H20) that showed Laurie Strode scoring a clean, undisputed kill on her infamous brother Michael by way of decapitation. Now there’s no way that Myers could ever come back again even if somebody managed to sew his head back on, right? Well, that’s when Akkad (while still allowing the film to be released as filmed) decided to evoke his contractual clause with all of the films that Michael Myers was not EVER to be killed for good, and since Curtis had the backing of literally everybody on the set (including the director and even the actor who had played Myers) that this was the rightful conclusion and end of the run for Michael, Akkad decided to replace everybody (bringing in Halloween 2 director Rick Rosenthal to helm this 2002 sequel) and go forth with the premise that prior to his beheading, Michael had switched places with a paramedic, crushed his larynx to prevent him from speaking his case to Laurie and then quietly escaped, thus leaving the paramedic (who strangely enough had still attacked Laurie in the ambulance instead of removing the mask and trying to get her to help him instead and who also seemed to have inherited Michael’s recuperative powers after she put him through a windshield and then ran him down with the vehicle on top of that) to suffer the indignity of the beheading that had ended H20 (and the series itself against Akkad’s wishes). The only remaining problem was Curtis herself, who despite the ironclad contract at first refused to be in the next one, but when pressed insisted that her role not only be as small as possible but also that she be given as little to do as necessary. And thus the film opens with Laurie Strode in a mental hospital, in a (faked) catatonic, non speaking state for 3 years as she anxiously awaits Michael coming for her in there. And along he comes, killing 2 guards on his way in before the lamest game of cat and mouse ever followed by Laurie seeming to finally get hers (complete with her uttering the old chestnut “I’ll see you in Hell.”), and finally Michael peacefully handing his blade over to another asylum resident who is obsessed with serial killers (indicating that he is now “retired”) and then walking away. This might have been a compelling ending to any film in the series, but here it is the first 10 minutes (WHAT?!). So after this short prologue (which is the end of the series since Michael has no more motive to kill), what’s the rest of this movie going to be about?? Unfortunately, we have a bunch of students from Haddonfield College (they have a college there?) being recruited by a reality show producer (Busta Rhymes) and his assistant (Tyra Banks) to take part in a “reality webcast” (where everybody is wearing bodycams) where on Halloween night 1 year later (keeping in mind that Laurie’s death is never mentioned nor referred to for the rest of the film), they will spend the night in the old, dilapidated Myers house where he first killed his sister in 1963 while viewers watch over the Internet wondering if anything “spooky” might happen live during the webcast. Our motley crew of rejects (almost all of whom turn the viewer off to them when we first see them) include a pretty yet vacant girl (Bianca Kajlich) for whom it is implied has a slight psychic twinkle to her, a black guy (Sean Patrick Thomas) so bland that his character might as well be named Token (and with Busta Rhymes on the scene, why should he not be?), a vain attention seeker (Katee Sackhoff trying to channel equal parts of Brittany Murphy and Courtney Love and failing at both) who looks at the webcast as being her ticket to fame and fortune, a complete cookie cutter geek (Thomas Ian Nicholas) who seems to be vying more for the role of being a male BFF to one of the girls than anything else, a supposedly smart girl (Daisy McCrackin) with an awkward look to her who suddenly decides that she’s attracted to the guy who has been sexually harassing her the whole movie, and a leather jacketed weirdo (Luke Kirby) who’s trying desperately to be edgy and cool in everything he says and does but mostly comes off as being creepy instead. After our contestants are filmed lamely trying to deconstruct the entire psyche of Michael Myers and his actions, it’s on to the house itself where the slightly psychic girl’s chat room friend (who unknown to her is an underage kid) is watching and also relaying helpful advice to her whenever necessary. Turns out that at least part of the whole thing is a sham, as Busta Rhymes and Banks have actually gimmicked the house with all kinds of fake “surprises” supposedly related to Michael Myers intended to scare the participants and fascinate the viewers. Of course, Myers himself has returned there as well (and we are told had used the house as his own personal hideout for the better part of the last 20 years even as apparently nobody ever bothered to check out the place from top to bottom to try and find him in between murder rampages) and yet oddly enough has decided to move on this group of strangers with no connection to either himself or his sister and start killing them off instead of just waiting for them to clear out after having their stupid little bit of fun. Even worse, the Busta Rhymes producer character has himself donned a Michael Myers outfit (complete with the mask which here resembles Schwarzenegger more than it does Shatner) and is skulking around the place pretending to be Myers in order to draw false scares and up the ante in online views. When confronted with this deception, Rhymes defensively states that he installed the fake scares because “reality is boring” and promises everybody lucrative backend deals if they continue to participate. Now normally in the slasher genre, these type of characters (greedy, money driven types looking to exploit and cash in on any sort of tragic events that had occurred in the past) would definitely find themselves on the business end of the killer’s wrath, but because Busta Rhymes was a famous rapper at the time (and is top billed even over Curtis), he actually winds up being the HERO of this whole thing, a fired up alpha male who takes Myers on in hand to hand combat including unleashing his martial arts skills on him (oh please god no) all while throwing in plenty of shit talking that invariably ends with the phrase “muthafucka”. At this point, all of this is no longer a Halloween film and with Laurie long gone and forgotten, the only motive that Myers seems to have here is that these people are disturbing his peace and rest (which makes his cause a righteous one) and the ridiculous nature of the reality show gone bad (not a bad idea if not used for Halloween and Michael Myers) with several people watching the happenings from a party and thinking that the actual killings are being faked (somehow Myers has also acquired a bodycam which seems to come and go in its reliability) is just painful to watch. It appeared that Akkad may have wanted a “fresh start” to the series that would see Myers terrify and kill a new generation of victims (similar to how Freddy Krueger set his sights on ALL teenagers after having finished off his handpicked Elm Street kids) but with Curtis completely phoning in her pointless death scene cameo (which would not be the last time that we see her in the role) so much so that we can sense her disgust as an actress in real life through the actual performance itself and the pathetic attempts here to create “new” heroes for the series (it’s either Laurie, Loomis or nothing), it means that we finally say goodbye to Akkad’s version of the series and await the Rob Zombie / Jamie Lee reboots…
2/10