Blue Lagoon
Very few child performers of the 20th century were as vigorously and disgustedly exploited as was Brooke Shields, someone who started off as a child model before moving into acting in motion pictures at the tender age of 12, but instead of appearing in family friendly fare (as Jodie Foster notably did before stepping into the maelstrom of Taxi Driver), Shields immediately found her young self being involved in all sorts of unsavory projects with salacious subject matter ranging from Alice Sweet Alice (where her 12 year old character was brutally murdered onscreen) to Pretty Baby (where she played a 12 year old prostitute) but her âmagnum opusâ at age 14 was this ridiculously overblown 1980 âdramaâ that was hyped to the moon solely on the basis of its sexualized themes with her as the star, featured a ludicrous storyline that only kept viewers awake with her ethereal presence and was so devoid of any real substance that it has practically defined the rest of her career which has consisted of her turning down several prestigious roles in major projects in favor of doing movies that nobody ever cares about. At the helm here was Randal Kleiser, a journeyman director who was red hot coming off of Grease and thus had handpicked this as being his next project, offering the lead role to several major actresses before landing the lovely Miss Shields as the star. Also along for the ride here was the unfortunate Christopher Atkins in the male lead, a nobody at the time who had literally only gotten the role because every big name actor it was offered to had profusely turned it down, leading the director to pick him because he had made the most impression during an open casting call amongst several other unknowns. Admittedly, the (Oscar nominated) cinematography of the tropical island location is spectacularly beautiful, but at the center of it is not only a story in which itâs hard to figure out just exactly what the point of it was or why it was made, but at times even teeters on the borderline of what would constitute child pornography with its leering angles and views (even as body doubles were reportedly used) of its underage actors along with its titillating themes of the discovery of human sexuality by two teenagers stranded in such a place. The film begins proper with its two main characters (who are actually cousins that were raised brother and sister) on a ship bound for San Francisco with their father and uncle (William Daniels) when suddenly a fire breaks out on board. Everyone abandons ship in a mad frenzy as Daniels is separated from the kids, leaving them on a lifeboat with the salty shipâs cook (Leo McKern) before finding themselves floating up to the island itself. Once there, the cook teaches the kids the essentials of hunting and survival before dying himself while the two kids grow up to be Shields and Atkins. Itâs at this point that the film turns into an obviously unintentional bawdy comedy centered around the idea of how long itâs going to take these two kids to finally get around to screwing each other given that they not only have absolutely no adult supervision, but also nobody to explain to them the birds and the bees fundamentals of sexual development. Of course, itâs quite conceivable that NO ONE could have made this type of material work into being a serious, beautiful drama, but the script doesnât help much at all nor does Atkins, spending most of the movie walking around in a ridiculous jungle boy getup all while delivering his lines in a whiny, protracted tone that makes it hard to take him very seriously, but at least Brooke has poise, charisma and manages to bring charm to the proceedings even when sheâs required to recite dialogue that causes her to make an absolute fool of herself. The verbal exchanges between Shields and Atkins consist of empty, dimestore philosophical thoughts (âWhy is it that people are bad to each other?â) and of course a litany of them teasing each other (and the viewer) over their developing sexual instincts (with the laughably sad truth seeming to be that Brooke would never give Atkins the time of day had they been mixed in with more people). To this extent we get scenes of Brooke suffering through her first menstrual period while bathing, Brooke catching Atkins in the act of masturbating (âLEAVE ME ALONE!!â), and Atkins catching Brooke staring at him longingly before asking her what sheâs looking at and being told, âYour muscles.â The hilarious conceit here is that it appears that Brooke has successfully identified and acknowledged her own feelings of lust long before the clueless Atkins has, leading to him acting as the confused one while Brooke herself is obviously in heat. Eventually, when the two of them finally get around to screwing (the filmâs main and only selling point), we do get an obviously tame sex scene which leads very quickly into Brooke becoming pregnant and giving birth, which now introduces the family dynamic into the picture (even as the two of them still express bewilderment at just where exactly the baby actually came from!). The fact that all of this is played out on screen with a 14 year old actress (and Atkins clocking in at the 17 to 18 year old range) just comes off in the end as being both puerile and tasteless, even moreso considering that Shields was promoted as being an underage sex symbol as if that helped condone the fact that grown men at the time were known to fantasize about her even as they sat in the front row of their local movie theatres chomping on popcorn and waiting for Brooke to do anything even remotely cute or sexy (or have her body double flash a little skin) while completely ignoring the so called âdeepâ moments where the dramatic writing and acting supposedly gives one pause to ponder. It all leads up to a moronically bad, shitty ending, one which is supposed to be âbittersweetâ while giving us some kind of momentous cliffhanger that naturally is never resolved and wouldnât ever be (despite the appearance many years later of a sequel in name only where Milla Jovovich would take on the role of the requisite juicy looking teenager) but at the very least makes us pretty glad that the movie is finally over. Certain aspects of the story including having a murderous native tribe living on the other side of the island whom NEVER discover our main coupleâs existence despite them having been there for years and the Daniels character continuing to search the seas for the missing kids feel like big sprinkles of nothing on a very flat cake. Nothing can ever change the fact that despite an acute lack of inspiring or intellectual material on hand, this big budget, A list project was marketed pretty much on the concept that we would get to see a 14 year old girl have sex with a dorky guy with curly blond hair, and again this lack of any real substance beyond that is what makes the whole thing so utterly ridiculous even as Brooke taunts Atkins about seeing him âplaying with itâ and we watch the whole thing break down into bad soap opera level material when the two of them start into each other with their domestic squabbles. In fact, itâs pretty hard to figure out just who exactly this movie was intended for (kids would most likely be bored with it) other than the raincoat wearing, single, leering middle aged types who could probably find some (temporary) use for this as an outlet in between bouts of hanging around the playgrounds searching for fresh meat. But the fact remains that if we want to see young (18+ years old) girls having sex, then we know where to look for that in the world of adult films or if we want to have an intellectually stimulating time at the movies watching thoughtful, insightful dramas to great acclaim, then this particular movie is probably the LAST thing that one would want to watch or if one just wanted to laugh out loud while watching a comedy (or a âso bad itâs good type of movieâ), then yes, this film would be disqualified from that qualification on the basis that itâs also dull as dishwater, slow and boring, with a plot that doesnât go anywhere and a pace that has you checking what time it is early and often even as it endures to this day as poor Brooke Shieldsâ best known piece of work, a sad excuse for a beautiful girl whose later work could never transcend the perverse effect that this film would have on many less than reputable typesâŚ
1/10