Waterworld

Waterworld: Director’s Cut

As pure an example of a failed epic as there’s ever been made, this 1995 monstrosity (which carried a then-record budget of $175 million) tries hard to be different with its setting and apocalyptic take, as apparently Al Gore’s worst nightmare has come true and the polar icecaps have melted, leaving the planet Earth completely underwater and civilization struggling to survive atop various boats and barges and “atolls” (makeshift shantytowns that float along on planks of wood). Admittedly, our first look at this type of community is a stunner, a large elaborate set built on the water with its own system of government, traditions, and electricity. Unfortunately these brief flashes of brilliance the film shows are hampered down by a boring and unmemorable script with tepid character development: In the lead role of “The Mariner”, a genetically evolved being with gills and webbed feet, Kevin Costner should be partially commended for using his undeniable clout in the 90s to take some major risks (which he did often) but his performance here is so distant and unlikable that the viewer cannot relate (or care) about what he is going through; As the token female lead, Jeanne Tripplehorn, while gorgeous, resorts to hammy theatrics at times, while at others presenting herself as the most annoying woman you could possibly be stuck with on a boat in the middle of nowhere; and Michael Jeter continues with his series of wiry eccentrics that he played towards the end of his life, scampering this way and that while acting “crazy”, but not bringing much else to the table; the saving graces acting-wise come from Tina Majorino as the little girl with a map to Dryland tattooed on her back, as her character is written to be a precocious little brat, but still comes off as cute and likable, no mean feat for a young actress; and Dennis Hopper as the villain is someone that the film should have given more insight to, the leader of a roving band of pirates known as “Smokers” who seem to worship him as some kind of religious cult leader, certainly more interesting than Costner and friends floating around on his little boat with all sorts of contraptions onboard. Indeed, the entire middle part of the movie is nothing but the three leads floating around in the middle of nowhere, with a motif in their scenes that quickly grows tiresome (Little girl says something to Costner to piss him off, Costner advances on her, Tripplehorn runs over to intervene), and the pacing of the movie (with the exception of Kim Coates in a small role as a crazed drifter they encounter) goes straight out the window. The high (and expensive) concept of the movie leaves plenty of room for plot holes and other such things, like how Hopper’s men are said to have no sense of direction but yet in the ocean-filled wasteland manage to get anywhere they want to go in a matter of minutes (like the ease with which they find Costner’s boat), and a group of survivors that are left behind by the main characters and never referred to again when they find what they’re looking for (though the fact that everyone on the Dryland are dead and reduced to skeletons should perhaps be some cause for alarm). There is one, just one, sequence that truly inspires the awe the filmmakers were going for, when Costner takes Tripplehorn in an air bubble deep underwater to show her the remnants of a once-great city now completely submerged, that the viewer does get a sense of what this catastrophe was all about. The film does pick up steam towards the end with Costner going to rescue the girl from Hopper on his oil tanker headquarters (though having the ship be THE Exxon Valdez and Hopper worshipping its real-life captain as a god are pop culture references that are long since outdated, especially in the wake of the recent Gulf disaster), but having Costner basically blow up the ship and kill all of Hopper’s people (which included children) strikes this viewer as being a bit callous. Overall, proof positive that all the money in the world can’t help a movie if its script ain’t worth a shit…

5/10

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