First Knight
With its uninspired battle scenes, awfully tepid dialogue, and third-rate romantic subplot, this so-called epic and bastardization of the legend of King Arthur fails on nearly every level save for competent production values, kicking off with possibly the most mundane burning and pillaging of a village you could ever imagine while the opening credits roll. First off, there is no way that Sean Connery could have agreed to this role had it not been for a LOT of money, as I canât imagine how he could read this script and not realize how badly heâd come off. With his 60-something Arthur matched up with Julia Ormondâs 20-something Guinevere, itâs inevitable that he would look positively impotent next to the much more virile Lancelot. Indeed, Conneryâs Arthur comes off as an unparalleled wussy, preferring to pray in church than take any action and dithering with the idea of sending troops into battle in a way that would give Barack Obama pause. Truly one of the lowest points in the career of a legendary actor. As Lancelot, we get Richard Gere (possibly the most narcissistic actor in the history of cinema), and he is (sadly) in his element here, teasing Ormond with little more than a wink and a smile to get her to fall for him, with dialogue so bad that a third-string soap opera writer could probably do better. As far as the Arthur legend itself, it has been nearly stripped bare: Gone are the fantastic characters Merlin and Morgana, and absolutely no mention of the Holy Grail and the quest for it. The Round Table knights who are Arthurâs brothers-in-arms are merely glorified extras here, with the occasional inane snippets of dialogue (âWe heard he fights for MONEY!â). Instead of Arthurâs incestuous son Mordred leading the enemy troops, we get instead âPrince Malagantâ, a âformer Round Table knight who found quarrel with Arthurâ, and living with his troops in a burned-out decrepit castle (complete with the ol bottomless pit) and played by Ben Cross (who must have REALLY needed the work). However, this central conflict is not even the main point of the story but more of a means to an end, as the focus is on Arthur and Lancelot having an ongoing game of âTake My Wife Pleaseâ (watching Connery act like he is having a heart attack when he catches them kissing is unintentional hilarity), so when Cross and his men ride into Camelot (mostly a bad matte painting) out of nowhere at the end to begin the final battle, itâs almost like a relief. At times, it seems that director Jerry Zucker is regressing to his Airplane! roots with scenes that just scream out for Mike Nelson and his MST3K bots: The scene where Lancelot âproves his worthâ to Arthur by completing what must be the gayest gauntlet / obstacle course in movie history (it looks like something youâd find at Sesame Place), or how about when Arthur and his troops use the old Blazing Saddles trick of building a fake town and putting dummies in place of his men in order to set up Crossâ soldiers for an ambush. The one saving grace in all this is Ormond, looking beautiful and virtuous and bringing a twinge of emotion in her scenes with John Gielgud, but otherwise just not being able to salvage what she has to work with (especially the scenes with Gere). In the end, proof positive that if you want to watch a GOOD movie about King Arthur just pull out your copy of Excalibur or even Monty Python on DVD and give it a whirlâŚ
3/10