Thunderball
After the smashing success of Goldfinger, here we get perhaps the most GENERIC of all the Bond movies, symbolized by the return of Terence Young to the directorâs chair instead of the prior filmâs Guy Hamilton, and with it, the sluggish pacing returns with a vengeance. After an opening which features Bond slugging it out with a bad guy (in drag), then using a ridiculous jet pack to make his escape, followed by the opening credits with a bad title song by fucking Tom Jones, we get into the plot: SPECTRE is running an operation to hijack two nuclear bombs and hold the world for ransom, and Blofeld assigns his Number Two man, Emilo Largo (complete with eye patch, just like Number Two in the Powers films) to oversee the mission. The problems begin with Italian journeyman actor Adolfo Celi as Largo, easily one of the most cookie cutter villains in movie history, he lacks the acting chops and presence of the earlier Bond baddies, with his eyepatch merely a ridiculous accoutrement to make this aging, overweight âterroristâ look more menacing as opposed to a guy who wouldnât last ten seconds in a fight against Bond. Add to that some of the lamest henchmen imaginable (one of which seems to have the distinctive quality of being a virgin), and a general sense of idiotic arrogance, tapdancing around being cordial to Bond when all he has to do is kill him, and not even making sure Bond is dead after throwing him in a swimming pool full of sharks. Indeed, the âbad guy and Bond hanging outâ clichĂ© is taken to ridiculous extremes here, even for this series. For his part, Connery finally seems to be outgrowing the part, sleepwalking his way through his performance, especially in the extended early scenes of him hanging out at a health spa, whose escapades include nearly being killed on a traction machine and nailing the lovely blonde attendant (of course). In fact, the only reason Bond catches on to Largo is because after SPECTRE makes their demands, he gets a lucky hunch that the sister of a pilot who went missing with the nuke might be a lead, and of course the sister is actually Largoâs kept woman (a loose end that no archvillain should leave hanging). Perhaps the only respite here is once again the high quality of the Bond Girls, with former Miss France Claudine Auger as the sister projecting both innocence and sex appeal as Bond shamelessly moves in on her, and Luciana Paluzzi, who is notable for being the first truly EVIL Bond Girl, a gorgeous redheaded assassin with intents on putting a final end to 007 (but not before he nails her as well). It should also be noted that we get the most whitebread interpretation of Bondâs CIA friend Felix Leiter as well, with Rik Van Nutter coming off as more of a college frat boy than a well-trained secret agent. Worst of all, there are the many, many underwater diving scenes as it seems nearly a third of the movie takes place with Connery (or his stunt double) swimming around trying to elude the bad guys, but all it achieves is just to slow the movie down to a snailâs pace, particularly since the filming techniques had just been invented and the director wanted to show it off (a ten minute sequence showing SPECTRE putting a tarp over a downed airplane underwater is an example of this). Then there is the final battle, a protracted underwater showdown between Bond and the Coast Guard against Largo and SPECTRE that makes the battle scenes in First Knight seem rousing complete with a plot hole of an eccentric nuclear scientist who helps Bond and the girl escape seemingly being left for dead by 007 in shark-infested waters. Overall, arguably the worst and most generic spy film of all timeâŠ
4/10