My Bloody Valentine 3D
As far as remakes go, I will always wonder why donāt the teenage horror fans of today just go and rent / buy the originals and see what the hubbub was about in the first place before some desperate filmmakers decided to do their own take. This example, a redo of the underrated 1981 slasher classic, at least tries to draw some business with the added element of having it in 3D, and the effects aināt bad, with pickaxes and eyeballs and even peopleās jaws flying at the camera when theyāre slaughtered. However, the original had a great, grimy, claustrophobic atmosphere that made it unique among its genre, while this version looks too cleaned up, too high-tech, to ever duplicate that feel. Also gone are the average, nondescript actors who added to the realism in 1981, replaced here by your usual slew of CW network / One Tree Hill-type rejects, most notably Jensen Ackles as the young man who returns to town, and as in the original, finds himself in a love triangle with his old girlfriend (Jaime King) who is now married to the David Arquette-like sheriff played by Kerr Smith, which leads to a lot of bullshitting around as the current and former loves try to figure out who they should be with. The basic premise is mostly the same as a crazed miner named Harry Warden who was the sole survivor of a previous cave-in comes back to murder everyone in sight with his trusty pickaxe before seemingly being killed himself, which leads to āTen Years Laterā when another psycho in a minerās outfit (presumed to be Warden) starts murdering anew to pick up where the previous rampage left off. Now, anyone whoās ever seen the original will KNOW that thereās a big twist ending coming here, but at least in 1981 the viewer was led to believe that it WAS Warden committing the killings, which made the twist all the more shocking. Unfortunately here, the twist is telegraphed almost from the opening scene on, making it obvious who the killer is while playing a little red herring switch later on so that we donāt totally throw our hands up in disgust. The characters are almost all idiots here, from the sheriff who knows for sure of Ackles being present at the first killings and doesnāt even bother to bring him right in, to the wife who gets chased by the killer in her grocery store before locking herself in the office for an eternity and THEN finally pulling the alarm switch after one of her own employees has already been slaughtered (which may have made the difference in saving the girlās life). At least Betsy Rue is VERY sexy as the bimbo who does full-frontal nudity for most of her screen time until the pickaxe falls on her, and Megan Boone as the teenage girl whom the sheriff sleeps with behind his wifeās back is cuteness personified, plus we get two old pros like Tom Atkins and Kevin Tighe playing the town fathers who are also targeted for doom. But the feel, the look, and the sense of dread that permeated the pores of the original are gone, replaced with the occasional fancy 3D effect that may make for a fun Saturday night with the girlfriend, but in terms of being a remembered and well-regarded classic like its predecessor, comes up just a bit shortā¦
5/10