Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s Law

Charles Bronson possessed one of the most iconic of screen personas which was also one of the most consistent. His hard, steely eyed men of few words who dispensed in many cases instant justice to the bad men he encountered (not counting the epic psychological torture and revenge he brought down on Henry Fonda’s Frank for nearly the entire duration of Once Upon A Time In The West) were legendary characters who were all extensions in one way or another of Bronson himself, a guy who kept his values simple and cherished, put family above that of his career, and if you pissed him off and he decided that he didn’t like you, he would calmly turn his back on you and shun you when it came to the filmmaking process. This particular philosophy definitely applied to the various directors he would agree to work with, of which he reportedly kept a “bad list” and a “good list” that he would adhere to and one of the directors who was most notable for being “good” as far as he was concerned was one J. Lee Thompson, a longtime journeyman who had occasionally surprised Hollywood by helming classics like the original 1962 Cape Fear and The Guns Of Navarone, but by the 1980s he was almost exclusively directing films starring Bronson himself who considered Thompson to be a trusted friend and collaborator. In 1986 they came out with one of their best (and most underrated) films, an action drama with a touch of lighthearted comedy produced by the notorious 80s junk studio Cannon Pictures, reviled in its day but today looked back upon fondly by so many who have (rightfully) realized that the everlasting, groundbreaking and (most importantly) original nature of 80s culture is one to be valued whether it be for cinema, TV, or music. What makes this particular movie so enjoyable is that Bronson (age 65 at this time) was edging so very close here to doing some self parody without truly sacrificing his dignity. The character he plays here is another one of his tough cops (no surprise there), but nonetheless one who has a drinking problem (not out of the ordinary for movie cops of the decade but certainly a departure for Bronson), is recently divorced from his gorgeous blonde stripper wife (which subjects him to nasty smartass remarks from his less amicable fellow law enforcement agents) and worse, he has even taken to stalking his ex by showing up at her strip club and then following her home at night, sitting outside in his car watching as she screws around with whatever lucky guy whom she has picked up. The main thing here though is having Bronson teaming up with a criminal (simliar to 48 Hrs) only to have that criminal be an extremely foul mouthed, FEMALE carjacker played by Kathleen Wilhoite (who went on to have a pretty good character acting career after this with her best known role being the mousy bar waitress who develops a crush on Patrick Swayze in Road House). Indeed, the movie opens with their first meeting as Bronson wearily walks to his car with a bag of groceries only to catch her stealing his car (and quickly wrecking it shortly after) only to have her escape after she kicks him in the balls and delivers some well timed insults. Part of the film’s appeal is in having Wilhoite (a newcomer at the time) talk to and treat Bronson in ways that he’s NEVER been treated before (or since), constantly challenging his manhood and / or mocking him over his age (something that a lot of film critics had been doing for a while). It’s quite an amazing comedic performance that adeptly uses Bronson as her straight man and human punching bag for her insults. Bronson later catches up to to her after spotting her while buying more booze, arrests her and happily sends her on her way to jail, but in the meantime, a mysterious female assailant has murdered a crusty old private detective (Lawrence Tierney) who had brought her a list of addresses (including Bronson’s) and had then gone and shot up Bronson’s ex wife and her boyfriend with Bronson’s gun all while driving Bronson’s car, expertly framing him in the process. While this psychotic seeming woman (former Best Actress Oscar nominee Carrie Snodgress) would not have either her name nor her motive revealed until over halfway through the film, Bronson suggests that the most likely candidate to have had him framed up is a mob boss (Richard Romanus) whose younger brother he had blown away during an airport bust compelling even their wobbly old mother to tell him at the brother’s funeral to have that cop “crucified” (although one guesses that she didn’t mind too much when her younger son had cold bloodedly murdered an innocent airline stewardess by blowing her brains out before Bronson caught up to him). Bronson is arrested for murdering his wife and finds himself in the same cell as (guess who?) Wilhoite, who takes a nasty delight in seeing the cop who busted her now sitting in jail himself (“Whattya do? Rape a nun?”). Bronson acts quickly though, busting out of jail and taking Wilhoite with him as his hostage / accomplice as he embarks on a haphazard mission to prove his innocence, seek help from the very few friends whom he can actually trust and ultimately set his sights on the mob boss who in actuality has little to no connection to Snodgress and her mission of revenge (although he too would love to string Bronson up from a tree as well). The truth about Snodgress is that she was a low profile bust made by Bronson ten years earlier, a woman who had suddenly snapped and killed her boyfriend before being brought down rather handily by Bronson and sent to a mental institution before having just been quietly released and is now plotting a ridiculously elaborate revenge as that most frightening of things, a lone psychopath who answers to no one and also confides in no one of her possible plans which gives her the advantage of not only a potential ambush but also being underestimated in her violent capability by virtue of being a woman (keeping in mind that Bronson is not her ONLY target here, just her most hated). So outside the fact that the main villain is a woman (a rarity for Bronson), the basic plot premise of revenge on those who framed the main character is pretty basic and straightforward EXCEPT for the X factor of Wilhoite playing the sidekick forced to team up with him (a role that was actually pretty highly sought after with names such as Joan Jett and Madonna in the running with Madonna being turned away after demanding $1 million to take it on), literally inventing her own form of profanity that’s a cross between a PMS inflicted Tourette’s sufferer and a crazed, immature 12 year boy bullying everyone and anyone he can on the playground, turning many of their scenes together into instances of laugh out loud high comedy as we await just exactly what new phrases are going to come out of her mouth (“butt crust”, “sperm bank”, “pubic hair”, “dildo nose”, “suck a doorknob you homo”, “snot licking donkey fart”, “why don’t you watch your asshole, asshole!” and many more) and amazingly, Bronson rolls with it all pretty well, allowing the relationship to develop over the course of the story while Wilhoite consistently keeps the viewer laughing over the ridiculous absurdity of her language until a level of trust has been built up enough (especially after she realizes that she’s wanted as an accomplice and not a hostage) between them that they can actually have a civil conversation with the wild left turn of their relationship being that she sees Bronson not so much as a long lost father figure but rather instead reveals that when it comes to her taste in men that she “likes them older” (although thankfully nothing comes of that as far as what we see) and her interesting philosophy of “better to be a thief than a whore”. After steamrolling through the mob guys, they finally get a bead on Snodgress herself, a surprisingly equal opportunity psycho who dispatches a couple of Bronson’s other enemies too (and commits a couple of other revenge murders which have little to no connection to him) finally bringing us to a slightly contrived showdown featuring the sight of Snodgress (who is shown to be a physical fitness nut) trying to have it out with Bronson but not lasting too long. Overall though, it’s the comedic barbs mostly thrust Bronson’s way (and him taking it all in good stride) that makes this one worth the price of admission, one of the silver screen’s greatest tough guys willingly being emasculated while still managing to find a way to come out on top…

8/10

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