Destroyer
There might be no sadder story in the history of The NFL (or professional sports for that matter) than that of Lyle Alzado, the monstrously imposing defensive end for The Los Angeles Raiders who won a Super Bowl ring, earned countless accolades for his play on the field and most importantly, struck real, legitimate FEAR into the hearts of almost every offensive unit whom he ever played against. After a period of retirement and a varied acting career, Alzado launched an “inspiring” comeback into the league in the early 90s, one that turned out to be short lived when he developed a massive brain tumor and spent the last few months of his life admitting not only to heavy steroid use throughout his career but also in becoming especially excessive with using it in his training regimen when he attempted his gridiron comeback. Making numerous talk show appearances while looking frail and weak as he railed against steroid use and implored all young people to never, ever touch them, Alzado would die at age 43 with the sad implication that his admissions of the usage of these substances have probably forever cost him a place in the Pro Football Hall Of Fame which otherwise (based solely upon his abilities on the field) he would have had very few issues when it came to getting inducted. Still, Alzado’s movie acting career was most unusual with him generally getting roles which capitalized on his “big man” look in playing either heroes or villains, but nothing stands out more than his attempt to create a franchise horror villain in this 1988 release, something which obviously turned out to be a one shot deal instead of allowing him to earn some Robert Englund style paydays from making countless sequels that cashed in on what was done here. The film also exploited the then popular horror movie gimmick of having the main villain be somebody who had been executed in the electric chair only to come back “somehow” to life with different explanations for how that would come about (Shocker, The Horror Show, Prison). In the case of this film, it actually opens with the execution as we meet Alzado’s Ivan Moser, a foul mouthed beast of a man first seen almost obsessively watching a TV game show (which as we find out features a Vanna White type hostess who had been among his many victims) before being led to the electric chair. We piece together that Moser was not only a serial killer, but a compulsive rapist as well, one who scopes out a woman whom he’s attracted to and then continues to have an almost obsessive fixation on until he finishes her off. Moser is strapped down into the chair but when the juice is turned on, he’s still laughing so maniacally that more juice is added to the surge until the entire prison blows its power circuit and goes into lockdown, after which we learn that the entire prison broke out in a horrific riot with massive loss of life while the body of Moser himself was never found. Just as well though, as the “explanation” given here is quite simply that Moser was such a monster who was so hard to kill one way or another that he simply came to and shrugged off the lethal doses of electricity (albeit with a partially burned, deformed face and a giant, exposed red spot on the top of his skull) and now actively lives within the prison itself which has since been abandoned until of all things a movie production crew led by its director in one Anthony (Norman Bates) Perkins (a truly spot on piece of casting which was a last minute replacement for Roddy McDowell) has come in to make a cheesy, crappy (i.e. as intended) women in prison movie, something that thrills Alzado’s lustful killer to no end. Perkins gets in a couple of funny bits that shows that at least with his character there was an attempt made to inject some ironic self parody of the film industry, but the real stars (and heroes) are Deborah Foreman (the super cute 80s icon best known for Valley Girl) and Clayton Rohner (the weird looking 80s leading man who was usually seen in offbeat type roles) as the lead stuntwoman on the set and her boyfriend who is the movie’s abrasive screenwriter whom besides writing the script for the shit movie itself, has also vowed to get to the bottom of the alleged “scandal” that resulted from the events on the night that Moser was supposedly executed. Moser contents himself with some early kills on the former warden (paying a visit to the set) and a cop who comes snooping around his kill zone only to be treated to a jackhammer (Moser’s weapon of choice) but he soon sets his sights directly on Foreman, so much so that he purposely crosses off the other victims on his checklist so that he might save her for last (including the annoying bimbo who is the film’s star), but the overall pacing and execution of all this is where much of the film falls flat as the first half (after the opening execution) moves at a near glacial pace and then when it gets down to Moser going after Foreman, it actually seems to drag on forever even as Foreman’s cuteness (despite a shortened haircut and a generally deglamorized look to her) makes her easy to watch and root for especially when Moser gets her strapped down in the chair and starts to feel her up. There’s also the sight of Norman Bates directing a gaggle of young bimbos in a SHOWER SCENE and a supporting role for Randee Of The Redwoods (Jim Turner), the idiot hippie TV character who shilled as a spokesman for MTV in the late 80s and essentially plays the same character here, albeit rebranded as the idiot hippie technician working on the film named Rewire. But again, the real attraction remains the sight of one of the absolute fiercest NFL players of all time trying to make his own mark on horror history so at the end of the day how is Ivan Moser as a villain? He certainly has minimum makeup on to display his so called scars, he obviously loves to laugh a lot early and often and his demeanor when he catches up to a female victim (particularly Foreman) can best be described as an almost childlike evil, a seeming fascination with his victim as if this is his first time getting a woman alone to rape and murder her when he’s really done it countless times. Of course, the idea of a franchise horror movie villain who also dabbles in rape has never exactly been a very palatable idea, but on the other hand saddling Moser with a sidekick character who actually serves as his accomplice and subjecting Rohner’s would be hero (who learns that the entire “scandal” that he was looking to expose was nothing more than the mystery of Moser’s actual whereabouts after his supposed execution) to an absolutely unholy assbeating when he tries to make the save on Foreman (with Moser constantly telling him to stay away from her just as a jealous boyfriend would) are admittedly pluses in the originality department. As far as dialogue / one liners go, Alzado as stated gets to laugh a lot, talk to his would be victim Foreman as if he were a smitten suitor and the one truly disturbing bit is when a helpless and frightened Foreman asks him “Why?” only for Alzado’s Moser (stuttering and bewildered) to simply reply “Why not?”. Maybe (just maybe), the franchise sequel machine could have gone to work here, but only if (much) better writers were involved thus making an effort to not only continue the character in the present tense but also to continue to sketch in more of his backstory including the fascinating idea that one of the victims whom he had claimed was a famous TV game show hostess (of which episodes of the show featuring her seem to continuously air even years after her death) but the only thing that can truly kick off a franchise is in having a Part 1 that is an undisputed classic (something which sadly this is not) and so this one gets relegated to the dustbin of 80s horror history despite the best over the top theatrics of its star whose own gridiron career (while legendary) is also for the most part sadly forgotten due mostly to the tragic mistakes which he had made during it…
5/10