Commando
Along with the abysmal Raw Deal, this is considered by many to be the most “generic” action role of the 80s for Arnold, and it’s easy to see why, but on the other hand, isn’t generic the name of the game many times over in the action genre, and besides, how many low budget action movies of the decade with lesser stars than this had decidedly even weaker plots? At least Arnold, long considered the absolute best the genre has ever seen, proves that to be 100% accurate here as at this point in time he was obviously still working his way into being a hero that was accepted by the mainstream after making history with his coldblooded villainous turn in Terminator and having had the last word in sword and sorcery epics with his Conan movies, also keeping in mind that he was still working his way up to his “important” movies like Predator, Total Recall, and T2. The plot seems merely a clothesline for him to wreak his own particular brand of carnage, complete with some great one-liners (though we can already see and pick out a number of direct references in the dialogue to Terminator and other earlier films of his, most notably “I’ll be back.”). We begin by seeing an average (yet still obviously severely shell shocked) suburbanite getting brutally gunned down by his friendly neighborhood garbagemen (actually mercenaries in disguise). 2 more assassinations quickly follow before the opening credits, and then we learn that the victims were the old team members on John Matrix’s (Arnold) elite commando unit. Appoached by his old, condescending commanding officer (James Olsen), who cherrily informs Matrix that they’ve narrowed down the suspects to his usual list of old enemies (which seems to be half of the despotic third world) while shamelessly using the same opportunity to put the squeeze on Matrix to come out of retirement and reform his unit (apparently the military hasn’t produced much in the way of elite killing machines since he left), to which Matrix gives an emphatic no because he is too busy raising his young daughter (Alyssa Milano) out in the middle of nowhere. Within 2 minutes of his CO’s departure, the bad guys immediately attack, managing to grab his daughter and make off with her while he was still in the middle of getting his guns, leaving behind one henchman to try to “negotiate” and quickly winding up with a bullet in the head for his troubles instead while still coming very close to successfully chasing down the other bastards on their way back to civilization. Turns out the culprits are a group of mercenaries hired by one of those ridiculous South American drug lord generals (Dan Hedaya), the kind who seemingly have only a basic amount of military training themselves (as do their men), but through acquiring money from drug dealing and essential all around ruthlessness, parade around in their little general’s costume and pretend to be a great leader rather than the drug pushing scum that they really are. Turns out that this particular clown was deposed by Matrix and his men during a coup some years ago and now the deal offered is this: Go down and assassinate the current President (whom Matrix can get close to since The President trusts him and treats him as if he’s a hero), and he gets his daughter back alive. Now of course, for anyone dumb enough to believe them at their word, this might work, but Matrix knows what’s up enough to kill his assigned handlers (and prevent them from contacting their boss) and then load up to head out to Hedaya’s island paradise, all of which is just fine with the main mercenary working there (Vernon Welles, the true villain of the piece), as he was a former member of Matrix’s unit before being kicked out by him and now he just literally thirsts to take his revenge (so much so that he even claims that he took the job for free). Much credit must be given here to director Mark Lester, who takes a completely absurd script and turns it into an enjoyable good time that doesn’t wear out its welcome in 90 minutes, not a surprising feat for the guy who brought us Class Of 1984, keeping the pacing lightning fast and the story as plausible as best he can even when the most insane action scenes start to break out in open public view and really nobody (including innocent bystanders) are actually safe, thus proving that even when the story is not all that original nor very special, that a good, solid, talented director can make it all work and more importantly, keep the sheer, visceral entertainment quotient pushed all the way up to the max. Special mention should be given to supercute Rae Dawn Chong as Arnie’s sidekick, a regular Jill flight attendant who is first hit on by one of the henchmen and then kidnapped by Arnold himself, eventually becoming such a gung ho supporter of his cause that she even goes so far as putting her own life at risk by posing as a hooker to lead another bad guy on and set him up for a trap. Chong (a major 80s female star and daughter of Tommy Chong whose looks and career started to deterioriate when the 90s came along) was once voted early in the decade as being one of the most well liked actresses by young people and the charisma she displays here (along with her chemistry with Arnold as their non romantic team up still makes it clear that she is VERY interested) is pretty plain to see. Plus there is Milano (right before she blew up big on Who’s The Boss) as the daughter, even then a beautiful girl at such a young age, who along with Chong gives able female support to what is a very masculine effort. The villains here are a mixed bag, ranging from Hedaya bringing almost nothing to the table except a thick accent as the South American dictator with a laughable, barely trained “army” that Arnold quite easily disposes of, to the ultra cool David Patrick Kelly as Sully, a wanna be slick punk who seems to have made quite a career for himself as a professional go between for scumbags (he immediately goes from dropping Arnold off at the airport to a completely unrelated other deal) but when Arnold catches up to him at a shopping mall (which causes Kelly to fire several shots that wind up killing security guards) we get to see the sight of Arnold ripping an entire phone booth out of the wall in order to get at him, to Welles (a master at making something out of “nothing” villains as seen by his Wez in Road Warrior) primping it up and going WAY over the top as the flamboyant Bennett, all decked out in a chainmail shirt and leather chaps which, combined with his intensely hammy, scenery chewing performance (and obvious beer gut despite supposedly being a super badass) has led many to wonder if the character was actually either supposed to be a straight up homosexual (never specified in the film itself) or if maybe it was just that his “look” and mannerisms were merely supposed to identify him as being a really colorful psychopath which actually wasn’t all that uncommon in villains from that decade, even as he makes it a point to openly mock Hedaya’s (the man who hired him) own soldiers as being obviously incompetant and then there’s Bill Duke’s coldblooded Green Beret, responsible for the early killings in the film and also looking to prove his ultimate mettle by taking on Arnold’s elite commando mano e mano. Keeping a straight face is optional especially when watching Arnold suffer hits that would either kill or cripple a normal man, and by the time you reach the last twenty minutes with the killing spree of all killing sprees against a bunch of laughably inept soldiers, all sense of credibility has long since gone out the window, but with Arnold being who he is, ya just don’t care. Overall, a very good action flick that would have been fucking terrible in the hands of a lesser talent even as it proves that Arnold on an average day is still far better than most other action stars at their best…
9/10