Galaxy Of Terror
The low budget realms of cinema used to always be good for ripping off the major box office blockbusters so after the success of Ridley Scott’s Alien came this 1981 attempt to duplicate it on a $700,000 budget and a cast that for the most part (it could be argued) were actually too good for this sort of material. As usual for that time, the perpetrator was Producer Roger Corman and the level of schlock here (especially with the all sorts of stupid script) is almost at the level of being mindblowing in more ways than one with the singular major historic note on hand for this Alien ripoff being in how the journeyman and then some director (Bruce Clark) wound up getting shown up in his designated directing chores on set by his own production designer, a guy who studiously pointed out several mistakes in the filmmaking process to Corman, only to be promoted to second unit director and wind up shooting some of the key setpiece F/X scenes as seen in the finished movie, something that launched his own filmmaking career which led up to him actually getting to direct the sequel Aliens and his name was James Cameron (Cameron would also have Bill Paxton at his side working as the set decorator which would be the beginning of their long collaboration together where Paxton would usually be in front of the camera as an actor). The plot(?) here involves some kind of an ancient pyramid on a faraway planet where some gooey, slimy monsters have just wiped out an intrepid and unlucky spaceship crew there. In response to this on our own planet Earth in the distant future, someone called “The Master” (who is apparently acknowledged as being the sovereign ruler of our world) decides to send another ship out on a rescue mission (against the counsel of his advisors) with a personally handpicked crew and also have himself onboard as well, albeit to the knowledge of nobody else on the ship since “The Master” is somebody whose face has never been seen since he constantly has a glowing red orb about it at all times (although in the first scene with “The Master” everyone immediately should know which cast member it is by the sound of their voice so that twist is quickly ruined). In a nutshell, the monsters that inhabit this planet and kill any astronauts who venture onto it are really creatures from another dimension that manifest themselves into our reality by picking up on our inherent fears and then coming forth to eat you, rape you, tear you apart or whatever your worst fear might be. That brings us to our surprisingly strong cast that comprises the crew of this mission: it consists of Edward Albert (the not so talented pretty boy son of Eddie Albert whose physical male beauty always made him look more like a wax statue than a human), Erin (Happy Days) Moran, Ray Walston(!), Zalman King (future softcore porno king), Robert (Freddy) Englund, Sid (Captain Spaulding) Haig, British character actor Bernard Behrens (who ironically comes off as being the worst actor in the whole movie), popular (at the time) cheesecake actress Taaffe O’Connell, and Grace (Twin Peaks) Zabriskie giving perhaps the best (and most charismatic) performance out of anyone here as the hard bitten, female spaceship captain (said to be the survivor of another infamous massacre many years ago) who recklessly and randomly announces to the crew that the ship is about to launch from Earth with only 30 seconds notice and later just as recklessly throws them into warp drive to get them to the planet quicker while nearly killing everybody in the process, but at least Zabriskie’s swagger in the role cancels out everybody else on hand here (all of whom get absolutely zero character development save for the 30 second prelaunch) and she also comes the closest (keeping in mind that she is NOT the star) to being anything resembling a Ripley type character. The biggest enigma here (of course) is Erin Moran, still in the prime of her career playing Joanie Cunningham on Happy Days while appearing in a piece of junk like this and for many to this day, her dark life story (she passed in 2017) remains as mysterious as any Hollywood actress to ever live from her reported disputes with her Happy Days castmates to her personal relationship with co star Scott (Chachi) Baio that resulted in some strange and cryptic public remarks he made after her passing. But here, she plays a cute psychic empath sent along on the mission, even pointing out to the others that she is being PAID to be there and use her “powers” to guide the others along, but with her big blue eyes and constant state of fear (because of what she’s been “picking up”), she shows a lot of charisma and poise before suffering an ultra gruesome death scene that it was said was part of a compromise after she reportedly backed out of doing any nudity. Then there’s Walston, by far the biggest legend in this entire lineup doing what Ray Walston does best on a paycheck role, sitting back and relaxing as if he’s enjoying himself and enjoying being there all while playing the ship’s cook who is smarter than any of the actual crew members. Next up for scrutiny is Zalman King, a guy who tried desperately to be a movie star before creating Red Shoe Stories as the resident hothead and second in command whom we learn during a heated exchange of words during the aforementioned 30 second countdown has a long history and rivalry with Edward Albert’s character. Then there’s Englund, still a long way off from either Elm Street or V and yet still getting a generous amount of screentime here before becoming part of the most controversial aspect of the story (or plot hole) as when it comes out that the whole reason for this crew being there and “facing down their fears” is because the sole survivor would then “win” and carry on the legacy of “The Master” (sort of like the hidden concept of Demon Knight) at the end, it turns out to be Edward Albert (who had barely done anything the whole entire movie) that gets “anointed” the winner while Englund who is not only still very much alive at the end but is last seen waiting outside the antechamber having faced and conquered his own fears by taking on and defeating an evil twin clone double of himself (who sneers and fights just like Freddy does) winds up getting completely screwed!! And he deserved it more!!! That brings us to Haig, moping his way around as usual before he’s forced to cut off his own arm to save himself even though it spites him anyway. Behrens as the old mission commander wastes little time in complaining about how he’s too old for these kind of missions and how he’s tired of giving orders before he wearily stumbles into an obvious trap. And the biggest indignity is saved for the blonde bimbo O’Connell in the film’s most infamous bit (personally shot by Corman himself who had promised some investors a touch of nudity) where a giant maggot comes to life and sneaks up on her, ripping her clothes off before giving us a slimy rape scene that’s only redeemed by the actress’ beautiful body as messed up as the whole scenario is. The general stupidity of the entire thing especially considering how the political hierarchy on Earth is set up (how would we ever accept having a leader whose face we have never seen??) and the idea that empaths would ever be considered an essential part of a military operation (even if they’re as cute as Erin Moran) definitely betrays this as being the type of future that any sane person would want no part of even as this appears in the end to have been an attempted launching pad for the short circuited career of Edward Albert which went absolutely nowhere and instead (out of anyone in this lineup) it would actually jumpstart the career of one Robert Englund as a permanent Legend In Residence in the field of horror movies so maybe he did win the prize after all at the end of this and become “The Master” at least in the realm of the macabre…
3/10