Once Bitten
Once in a while a future star does a movie that gets little to no acclaim at the time but after their stardom takes off into the stratosphere, their previously little regarded work is given a fresh coat of paint and rereleased practically under the pretense of being a NEW film starring that big name star whom we now love so much with arguably the most famous example being the porno film starring Sylvester Stallone (Party At Kitty And Stud’s) which after the release of Rocky, was put back out under the new (and obvious) title of The Italian Stallion. Another example was this 1985 release starring Jim Carrey almost 10 years before Ace Ventura hit and he became JIM CARREY. At the time a quickly discarded vampire sex comedy, after the success of Ventura made him the biggest star in the world, both the home video and cable TV outlets worldwide repackaged it as being a nearly new Carrey project with a fairly unbeatable hook (Jim Carrey vs THE UNDEAD!!!) and pretty much made more money off of its second life than it did during the initial release. But how is the movie itself?? Actually pretty good considering that Carrey here is fortunately still giving a “Jim Carrey Performance”, albeit the then 23 year old is playing a horny virgin teenage boy who is blissfully unaware of the dangers to be encountered in being such a person as that. The villainess of the piece is a centuries old female vampire (whose character bears faint traces of resemblance to Catherine Deneuve in the serious vampire film The Hunger) known as The Countess (played by gap toothed fashion model Lauren Hutton even though the role was written and intended for Elvira herself, Cassandra Peterson, one of the most underrated female comediennes ever who would have been utterly fantastic here even though Hutton does a good job) whom we have it explained to us is coming up on that time of her extended calendar where she must feed on a male virgin (by biting him between his legs) in order to retain her youth and beauty or else risk turning into a full blown old hag for whom her powers of sexual seduction would be rendered null and void. In addition, the unlucky (or lucky depending on how you look at it) victim would become her forever companion, joining a fraternity of other virgin vampires who continue to hang around her spacious home (and don’t seem to mind the lifestyle that goes with it) all while minding the head of the household and de facto butler / chauffeur played by none other than Cleavon Little, a legendary figure based solely on starring in Blazing Saddles and here essaying a rather charming take on the openly gay BFF to Hutton’s vampire queen without going too far with it and (best of all) being the only vampire character here who never “vamps out” with full fledged fangs and everything, choosing instead to remain in a constant state of continued bemusement at all of the hectic goings on around him. Obviously no prizes are awarded for guessing that Carrey becomes the targeted virgin (after being scoped out by her other companions) which from a story standpoint makes no sense because his character is saddled with two loser sidekick friends who might as well have a gigantic V tattooed on their own foreheads and who would make for easier prey considering that unlike them, Carrey has a very hot yet very nice girlfriend (Karen Kopins) who won’t put out which does lead to some classic Carrey moments most notably when after failing to seduce his girl while they’re parked in an ice cream truck, he climbs out and wanders the parking lot only to find to his frustrated dismay that EVERY other car in the very same parking lot is occupied by a guy and a girl fucking. Indeed, the concept of Carrey utilizing his trademark manic comedic energy to channel it into the role of a sexually frustrated teenager is a winner, hampered only by a pedestrian directing job by TV episode hack Howard Storm (think extended montages where you can clearly see characters’ mouths moving as they talk but it’s all drowned out by the music on the soundtrack hence making it a glorified deleted scene) and a tendency to focus on the two unfunny dipshit buddies of Carrey in THEIR desperate attempts to get laid (when having all three of them compete for the attentions of the wicked vampire bitch might have been an even better way to go) which sidetracks the film entirely. We DO get the absolute funniest homophobic scene in history (“Fags in the shower! Fag alert! Run! Run!”) and an awesome dance sequence with Carrey in full rubberface mode being competed over by the vampire and the girlfriend (with the girlfriend’s spunky goodness almost stealing away the whole movie), but the real meat and potatoes of this enterprise lies in Carrey’s desperate teen having this beautiful, blonde, mature woman leading him into a seemingly fantasy hot sex scenario while not knowing that his soul is at stake too (complete with him having erotic dreams about Hutton which is exactly as she intended where we even see Carrey do a Bela Lugosi gimmick) and thankfully Carrey’s style matches up very nicely in that regard (although the word was that Michael J. Fox was close to being cast here but ultimately wound up being rejected) of playing the unknowing and unwitting victim of a dark seduction. The film really plays up the beautiful ambiance of LA in the mid eighties, a colorful yet sinister world where either death or sexual gratification (or both) could be waiting around any corner. And Hutton’s spoiled, aerobicized take on female vampire superiority is a successful one (especially in the way that she always knocks over an innocent background player whenever she’s making an exit), often finding herself playing straight woman to either Carrey or Little’s more subtle yet just as funny servant and the humor and the smiles are enough to flush out most of the plotholes in this dumb but silly comedy, certainly a must for Carrey fans who honestly should not expect to be disappointed…
7/10